“My top 5 excuses for not quitting smoking”

Honorable Mention winners:

Quitting smoking would be detrimental to my health by halting my exercise program…I WALK to the store to buy my cigarettes

Elaine Roessle

Any wimp can quit smoking, but it takes a man to face cancer.

Author name unknown

Hey, I’m building a new driveway, and I need the tar!

Shana E. Higgins

My dog wouldn’t recognize me by smell anymore.

Joan Cox Danzansky

I can’t quit smoking because I have not tried every brand of cigarette available. I am almost done with all American cigarettes and just bought my first pack from Spain.

Rosemarie Ambs

I thought it was second hand smoke that killed you???

Angela S. Enslin

I am trying to develop a believable, hacking cough so the boss will buy the story when I choose to call in “sick”.

I need to smoke when I take the dog out for his walk and potty. Otherwise I am just standing there watching.

Now that tattoos, body piercing, hard rock, punk fashion and Harley’s have all become mainstream, smoking is the only way to get people to notice that I am rebelling.

If I quit I will have to sit with the dorks during lunch.

Deborah, Minnetonka, MN.

The car CAME with ashtrays for a REASON!!

I smoke to help digest dinner and if I didn’t smoke, I would keep eating until I EXPLODE!!

I haven’t really planned for my retirement so the only way to provide for my family is with a huge tobacco settlement.

It’s part of my personal style to speak with either a cigarette or a drink in my hand and if I give up smoking or drinking, I will be struck mute.

Frank Palmer

It’s a family tradition.

Who likes white teeth??

It’s a great people repellent.

There is some clean air left out there.

If I keep smoking the Doctor’s won’t get lonesome.

Adonis Montgomery

I’m lobbying for my right to smoke in elevators… non-smokers are the healthy ones, so let them take the stairs!

It took me years to find a brand who’s pack matches my eyes

All my friends do it, and since I was busy when they all jumped off the bridge, I need some way to feel included (this is the one I give my mother).

Halloween is cheaper, since all I have to do is stop for a few hours while at the costume party and tell people I’m dressed as a non-smoker.

Andrew Miller

If you lived here you’d smoke too—

Patricia McMullen

My cigarette company just started to offer free gifts with UPC’s. Just 10 more cartons and I get a free lighter. I said I would quit when I decided to have kids. I just decided that I don’t want to have kids.

Melanie Diehl

My husband only vomits occasionally after kissing me and my nicotine breath….

It keeps my (prissy) mother-in-law away!! (cancer beats HER any day!)

Brenda Toor

My glasses and computer screen would not be hazy and the glare would really damage my eyes.

I am a very nervous person. I smoke to keep calm. My doctor said that if I quit smoking I would probably die from a heart attack.

Daurie Nelson

I have 5 minute breaks between hacking my lungs out so it can’t be that bad!

Tania Page

I’ve only just learnt how to make smoke-rings and I need the practice.

Samantha Wallace

I haven’t quit smoking yet because I got a great deal on a pack of 50 lighters.

Jennifer

We’ve all got to die from something!

Pete Garcia

Quitters never win, winners never quit.

I would but the first pack I bought the warning was cigarettes are addictive and the warnings never lie.

What else am I going to do during my cigarette breaks.

Allison Moeller

I haven’t quit smoking because I do not like to follow the crowd…..everybody is quitting these days.

Selwyn Parris

I haven’t quit smoking because I’m hoping to be discovered by some agent to appear in a commercial about some new and exciting “tooth whitening” process!

Lorraine Lewis

Stupidity dominates my intelligence.

Nancy

I can’t quit smoking until ALL my teeth are the same color, again.

I can’t quit smoking just yet, I almost have enough Marlboro ‘miles’ for that Marlboro ‘car’ in the catalog”.

Mialayne, Mobile, Alabama

If I quit smoking I can’t count on my mother-in-law dying from second hand smoke.

I gotta keep smoking; how else can I guarantee early retirement?

Thomas C. Putnam, Ph.D.

I have yet to quit because the surgeon general hasn’t said that smoking WILL cause cancer….or has he?

Richard Anlas