10. I liked the toaster. Every once in a while I’d get lucky and my cigarette would taste like honey wheat bagel.
9. Put your hair in a ski cap and stick your head in the oven
8. Don’t light it….it would be a good time to quit!
7. To light a cigarette with out matches or lighters, lift the pan containing your bacon and eggs and light your cigarette off the gas burner. You’ll be getting a 2 for 1 that way—high cholesterol and nicotine—both will kill you.
6. Stand over an erupting volcano (bonus: you get a trip to Hawaii)
5. Stand on a skyscraper holding a large metal rod during a storm
4. Find an obliging dragon!
3. Steal my brothers magnifying glass to see if it will light it like it does grasshoppers.
2. Join the circus where there’s always a fire eater around when you need a light.
and the #1 way to light a cigarette when you don’t have a lighter or a match…
1. Look for a burning building
The Top 10 Authors:
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